This damn cat Hallie, she bets everyone stopped reading this old blog. She thought nobody would care about her after she moved to a new apartment. Well you know what Hallie? You're right. Nobody cares.
Wait a minute. Hallie, you're looking pretty fat these days. Is that because you've scratched your way into Nick's bottomless Take 5 collection? Or are there no stairs for you to run up and down 80 times a day for no reason?
(Sigh.) Hallie, the truth is, I don't get the same pleasure I used to out of making fun of your stupid face and fat body and racist comments and Nickelback albums. I know that we are two different creatures, spinning together on this crazy planet called Earth, and sure I'll out-live you by at least 60 years, probably more, because I'm super buff. But that doesn't mean I can't still deliver a hell of a eulogy at your funeral.
So Hallie, until you die, rest in peace. And stay away from my pasta dinner!
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